Who am i really?
My wardrobe depicted the state of my mind, a huge mess. The gowns and Cardigan I hung at the top were slipping from the hangers. My clothes lay in piles unfolded, after getting them from the line yesterday I was too tired to fold them. I had turned out the bag containing my undies, headwear and belts yesterday in a hurry. My clips lay atop the mess. Some provision had spilled from placing them improperly or dropping some while using it. I had enough time before my first lecture. Mondays are quite spaced for me. I plugged my headphones and got to work. Some notifications interrupted my music. I took out my phone from my pocket to check it. I scrolled down and saw WhatsApp chats from a number. Probably Sir Tolu. Should I reply now or later? I clicked the message. He was still online. 'Surviving. And you?' I responded to his 'how are you this morning'. I turned off my data connection before he could reply.
Priscilla was supposed to meet up with me at the cafeteria but she did not show up. I called her but she did not return my calls. I decided to text her on WhatsApp and saw she was online. That was not the first time something similar was happening. I always found an excuse for her even though she never apologized. My week had started badly with my roommates gossiping about me and now my closest friend was at it again, I sank into self-pity. Why does everything have to go wrong with me? It is always me. The unfortunate one. The thoughts kept pouring and soon I was fighting tears. I felt a burning sensation in my nose. It is not that bad, a voice countered. That is what you think, you don't know what it is like to be me. And what is that like? It responded. I laughed a bit. Gosh, I am pitiable. Now I am talking to myself. I felt a sudden need for fresh air so I left the enclosed cafeteria. I thought about waiting in the lecture room till it was time so I walked towards my class. I passed two guys discussing along the path, I thought one of them looked familiar. "yay!", I heard behind me just as I took the turning after the main hall. This was followed by the shuffles of hurrying feet. "Miss Bethy", the voice called. I turned to see the owner, “Sir Tolu”, I said when I recognized him.
“I tell you, God works in mysterious ways. “ He said laughing when he stood in front of me. “How has your day been?”
“Fine,“ I said.
“You did not wait to reply my chat in the morning and even now it is still unread. Busy much?” he said nodding his head towards me. I did not have an excuse, I had simply gone online to check Priscilla, I saw his message but left it for later. Now, I only smiled at his words for lack of words, more so, it was easier to just smile. I feared talking might take too much energy and I already felt tired and close to tears. My nose burned and my eyes had a glittery glaze over them. “Why are we standing here? Lets go to the cafeteria, we can talk and eat.”
“I can’t. I have to go.” I said my hands pointing towards my lecture room. “What did you say?" He cupped one hand over his ear as though he could not hear me clearly. “I said I can’t, I-“ I started to say when he pulled me after him with my hand. I grabbed his hand with my free hand and tried to release myself from his grip. “I really have to go”, I said trying to keep up with his pace. “To the cafeteria with your new best friend to eat lunch and enjoy time,” Tolu completed, his grip unyielding. I laughed at the best friend part. “You are laughing already. We are very compatible” he said with an air of triumph. I rolled my eyes and shook my head, my lips curved into a smile. I stopped resisting.
In the cafeteria, the previous emotions flooded me and I felt the air tighten in my chest. I sucked air in and out with conscious effort. I felt choked. There were a few people left, seating at different ends of the room. The smell of freshly toast bread lingered in the room, mixed with the aroma of fried tomato sauce. Tolu led us to a table next to a window. We sat at opposite ends of the table. I shifted on my seat uncomfortably when I noticed he was watching me intently. “You slouch a lot," he said without taking his gaze off.
“Excuse me?,“ I was caught off guard. What I detested the most about meeting people was how unpredictable the conversation could get. I thought long and hard on how to reply in what seemed like minutes but was infact seconds. "I did not realize," I said shifting my gaze to the space behind him.
Tolu leaned forward and rested his elbows on the table, I moved uncomfortably on my seat again. "So, what's your story?" He said finally. I looked at him, confusion etched on my forehead in furrious lines. What does he mean? "Come on, we all have a story," he said leaning back. I tried to meet his gaze but each time it dropped easily. "I was abused as a child by the house help my mother employed." I looked up at him, it was hard to belief he uttered that.
To be continued...
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