Swoooon Eps 2

Let me see your countenance,

Let me hear your voice,

Sweet is your voice,

Your countenance is comely.

-a secret lover

          

             In my world, I was Ivy the girl he was desperately in love with. We'd hold hands and enjoy each other's company. Some weeks into our relationship, we hugged and kissed. One day, we went giggity-giggity. Dating Stranger was fun. He was super rich. We travelled a lot. Places I have never been. We tried new foods, played a lot (pillow fight, water fight; all that stuff). We had couple goals, fights, moments. It was my fantasy, everything was possible. Nobody gets hurt. Or so I thought. You use your imagination to get what you don't have. Once I really wanted to go to Italy. I simply looked up pictures of it and voilà my own Italy experience right on my bed. It was almost like the real thing.        

          "Abigail, have you ever had a crush?". We were sitting at the cafeteria. "Uh-uh", she said her voice mumbled from the popcorn in her mouth. "I am serious. Have you ever had a crush?", I prodded using one elbow to poke her side. "well no", she said matter-of-factly. 

      "Are you for real?"

      "Why would I lie about that?"  

      "Because you lie about everything", Lola answered, joining us. "What are you two talking about?".

          "I was asking Abigail if she ever had a crush". Lola burst out laughing at my words. I failed to get the joke. "Abigail can't have a crush. She is not normal". Abigail took offense at this. "Please, stop saying that. I won't talk to you about my private matters anymore". 

         "Ah, I was just joking babe, I am sorry", Lola pouted. "What about you Lola?", I asked.

         "There was this guy one time. Turned out he was not as great as I painted him to be. Down the drain went my crush. What's all this talk about crush? You want to date someone?". "Oh no no no", I said empathically. "I can't and you know why". "Me too girlfriend", Lola said in her usual Black American wannabe voice. "But I have dated many guys", she continued. I was confused. "No, not like that. I mean in my fantasy. What do you take me for? L-O-L. Since I can't date one, I simply borrow the faces of handsome guys I know but I do not like them in reality. I simply pass time daydreaming they are hopelessly in love with me and we do all the things couples do".

           "That's just weird and pathetic", Abigail said without looking at her. "Mind your business" Lola retorted. "Whatever things are true, lovely and of good report, think on these things. Does your fantasy fall within that?", Abigail continued. "What is your problem? Please stop sermonizing me. Like you are a saint." Lola was pissed. Abigail was not moved. "Sarah, don't you think that is wrong. Trying to get what you can't have or shouldn't have, at least for now, by all means. Is that not being covetous?".

           "Can you guys calm down?" I said to avoid answering her question. I was tired of their back and forth. "Sarah", Abigail began after a long silence, "I think sometimes we hold on to crushes or look for love in our thoughts because we feel lonely and we don't want to do the actual thing. That way we think we are okay. No wrong done. And we are quick to forget thinking about someone that does not belong to us in a selfish way is wrong. You could easily fall into adultery. Finding someone attractive is inevitable but what you do with the feeling matters". Abigail does not know when to stop. Her words pinch me in all the right places. I felt very uncomfortable. Personally, I found it better. When I felt stressed, thinking about Stranger served as an escape from my reality. A way to feel better. A substitute for God's means. I shook the thought off before it could settle. God. That chapter has been close for a while. "Pastor Mrs, what if you are afraid of intimacy? I don't want to get hurt. And most times I stick to guys I know I can never have", Lola said. "Can you listen to yourself?", Abigail said. That did it, Lola ignored her for the rest of our time there. 

              At the library, I recollected the discussion. Is it possible to never have a crush? Or she does not want to admit to having a crush? Not like I would though. I googled 'never had a crush'. I scrolled through the results and clicked the suitable one. The site was a forum where people dropped questions and someone answered. I read some of the answers provided. 

     Luvly Pearl

       Posts: 216

       Forum Member

       30/12/29 - 01:05

       #1

       Going on to 22 and I have never fancied anyone!; boy or girl. Everyone I know seems to have. Is that abnormal? Cause I am beginning to feel weird. 

      Empath99

        Posts: 435

        Forum member        

        30/12/29 - 01:55

        #2

       I don't think you are abnormal. Crushes are not worth the trouble anyways. All that fantasising, thinking about a person only to have it end in tears. Eventually you would. 

        Nemesis

         Posts: 15

         Forum member

         30/12/29 - 02:18

         #7

       Your use of fancy is confusing. I can find a dozen girls on the street I find attractive. That is normal. But that does not mean I want to be in a relationship with them. The attraction could be for different reasons. A crush is different. Maybe you are asexual. 

       

        That was about it for me. I got tired of the responses. I had two hours until the next class. I drafted a mini timetable. An hour to read and the rest to solve questions. I got reading and soon found myself distracted. I sat there fantasizing. What would it be like to be friends with him. I imagined him desperately in love with me. I snapped out of my fantasy when it was less than 30 minutes left. I cursed my wasted time and left to eat. I saw him in class. He stay at his usual spot. After class while waiting for Abigail, he passed by me. I felt my stomach flutter, and my heart beat increased.

Episode 1💙