Sad-Mad?

Dear awesome human, 

       I know. My bad. I stayed away for too long. It has been hard to get back to writing. But I did not forget you. Lately, I have been working on me. This time, I do not bring you a story...instead my musings. Are you sad-mad?

You know, these days some bible characters feel closer than before. They are not just figures I was taught, now they feel like real humans. People with flaws and strengths. They are relatable. I keep forgetting to write this. It is funny how everything you could ever go through, someone has been there. Felt the same way. Said the same words. It is amusing. In one of my devotionals, I ended up at Job 7. There, Job seemed mad at God. He was complaining about how God was mindful of man, testing him all the time. And how he wished God would leave him alone, at least for a while to swallow. Then it reminded me of something I wrote in my diary in the past. Lol. I actually told God to leave me alone. Dear dear. 

Next is the one with Elijah. He was so overwhelmed with life he asked God to take his life. Countless times, I have been so overwhelmed too and I have asked Him to take back His gift of life. Lol.  Next up was Father Moses, the man of God. Anyone could be weary really. He got so overwhelmed with putting up with the burden of the Israelites in Numbers 11, and he asked that if God really cared for him, He should take his life. I felt that one.

Then the last one was Jonah. He got so mad at seeing something he could not control come to pass that he asked God to take his life. Honestly, I feel God has a good sense of humor. Subtly, it is almost as if the situation is mocking your reaction. Lol. Anyways, after Jonah's outburst, guess what God asked him. "Are you right to be angry?" Sometimes you would pause at His response to situations and well, you would feel stupid, other times awkward, other times pain and well some other times, gratitude for His great sense of judgment. Hard to say, but sometimes we never truly know what we want. What we need. When we need it. How it should go. Sometimes we are swayed by our feelings. 

We are sometimes deceived by what we are feeling. We want things now. We feel at the end when it does not show up. Are they not real and heartfelt worries sometimes? Of course they could be. It is hard really. But in His superior judgment, He sees the end from the beginning. He made us, so He knows us better. It is hard sometimes to trust His judgment but then He is always right. Even now as I write this, my lips are curved into a smile and my heart feels a little giddy knowing this conflict is true to me most times. I get upset when things don't go like I plan. When I ask and it feels like I have not received. But when the phase passes and later understanding dawns, if I would be still and ask questions, there is always gratitude. He was being mindful even to the tiniest detail. Such a God. Such a love. 

Ps. His thoughts are not our thoughts and His ways are not our ways. He is hard to comprehend with our understanding. 

Pss. Do you also feel this way? Want to share your thoughts? Or you just want to talk to somebody? You can send me an email via derodadiary@gmail.com

I would be thrilled to hear from you. 🖤

Numbers 11: 11-15.

Job 7: 16-19. 

Jonah 4: 1-4. 

Isaiah 55: 8.