Deroda's Diary

Before this time another year, I may be gone, In some lonesome graveyard, Oh, Lord, how long? The ground around my feet was wet. Partially conscious, occasionally I slightly lift one up to see the dry ground under it. As though the clouds were aware of the grieving party that stood some distance below it, it had showered its bliss briefly. I wondered if it thought it could wash our misery away with some drizzle. The shower had set the mood for more weeping instead.  "Dust to dust, may the soul of the departed rest in the bosom of our saviour where we shall meet again in heaven," the soothing voice of the preacher echoed in the almost empty yard. I heard Beatrice's mum let out some loud sob at his words. I am yet to shed a tear since this nightmare began. I still feel like I am in a dream I would wake up from. Her body was there in the coffin lifeless, no doubt, but it was still unreal to me.           I took a look at the house I have come to know as m...

"It has been a year and five months. I missed you. It was hard staying away all this while, but how could I possibly write to you when I felt unworthy? I hope that you have been faring well all this while." I had written that in my Google keep in April, preparing to return to writing to you consistently again. But life had other plans for me, or maybe I was lazy and unmotivated. I cannot tell. But writing and returning has been a major challenge, one I am glad to have finally faced. A lot has happened during my time away. I wonder if I can get it all out in a few posts.  Remember how I talked about how I burnt my fingers the last time I wrote to you in December of 2021? Well, just as I was healing, I burnt it again at the beginning of 2022. I would say these burns were a little worse off. I had a hard time healing but the process happened gradually, I did not even realize it until much later. 2023 has been a bliss. I had found God again. Or rather He found me. His voice got ...