Caught in the act eps 2

 

        It happened so fast I could not retrace my steps. One night became two, three and I lost count. At first, I felt sorry when I did it. I felt dirty and guilty. I lost every sense of self worth. Some days I resisted the urge and some days I submitted without a fight. Other days, I did not need the urge, it was sufficient that my day had gone badly. I carried on life as usual, no one could tell something was wrong. I got so used to my double life, my conscience did not bother me anymore. My friends did not help matters, they discussed it like it was a normal thing. 

        I felt terrible as I lay on the bed. How do I get back on track? Can God still forgive my willful disobedience? I have been down this pit for so long. I felt defeated. The knock on the door startled me out of my sleep. I realized I had fallen asleep in the midst of my self pity. I slipped into sleep again. "Ayo!" It must be a dream, "Ayo!!" This time my sleepy head realized it was not a dream. I shoved myself out of bed, opened the door to see my parents dressed in pajamas. One glance at my father's face and I knew hell was about to let loose. He was fuming and could hardly wait to get inside my room. My Mum still had that expressionless look on her face. I wish I could read something there, it was hard to tell what she was thinking. My Dad was the first to let himself into my room. My Mum followed and I shut the door.

        I turned to face them hardly looking at their faces. "Ayo, what is this I hear you are involved with?" My father starts. I don't know if he expects a response. He went on "is this how your mother and I raised you? Eh? Answer me?" I felt his spit on my face. Ayo, you really outdid yourself this time, I sadly congratulated myself on incurring my father's wrath. I was trying to compose something to say when it happened. Have you seen twinkles? Believe me, I did as my father's left hand landed on my right cheek. Nothing prepared me for this slap. I staggered backward, I barely had time to brace myself when the second landed. I turned deaf in one ear and in the other I could hear echoes. My mum's voice filtered through, she was pleading with my Dad to be patient. I looked up in time to see her prevent a third one that would have finished off my case. "Daddy Ayo, this is not the way" I heard her saying. He countered with "spare the rod, spoil the child. Can you imagine this?" He turned to my mother like she was oblivious of what happened. 

       "Ayo, I am very disappointed in you". Well you and me I replied in my head. At first, I was disgusted but now I simply felt tired and feverish. My patience was wearing out. I could feel anger swelling up within me, any moment and I will snap at my Dad, of course, that would make things worse. Don't they just get it? I feel horrible  already and they are no better than the devil constantly reminding me I can't be restored. My mother must have sensed the rising tension in my body posture. She hurried my dad out of my room "otito(it is okay), you have said enough. I will speak with him" pulling him towards the door with one hand. My dad was still speaking as he left, "he is just 19. What would become of him when he lives alone?". "God is in control" my mum replied. 

       As soon as he was out the door, she turned to me. "Pastor Emmanuel wants to see you tomorrow after service." And I thought the day could not get any worse. I committed a sexual sin not murder, I justified myself. Seconds later, "Okay, it is a big deal but still, I wish they will let me breath and think about my life" I said to an empty room. I thought about the pastor, he is new to our church. I have never spoken to him in the past. I will get more rebukes and no help. Pre-falling asleep, I felt remorseful but my dad had successfully hardened my conscience. He snuffed out whatever little tenderness was left that was attacking my peace. I am now indifferent to this whole situation I told myself as I tried to fall back into sleep. I am indifferent, I repeated in my head but I knew I was not. I felt sorrow wash over me as tears slid down my closed eyes. Can God forgive? Can I get back to my former self? You can't came a response. 

                                               

 To be continued...

Check out the previous episode❤

Episode 1