Swoon, the finale
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Set me as a seal upon your heart,
For many waters cannot drown true love
-a lover
Aunt Titi placed the book on the table, she checked her food and was back to her position in front of me. "Sarah," she started as she flipped the pages of the book, "one of the value of having the spirit of God is that we don't have to go about testing waters, doing trials and errors. When we are truly ready He helps us see a compatible partner, not a crush. A relationship where love can strive in spite of the knowledge of their strengths and flaws, not an infatuation that lives today and is gone tomorrow," she laughed. "One week for this boy, the next week another boy, secondary school love," I joined her laughter. She stopped at a page. "Here, read the highlighted portion. You will find it helpful."
"Okay. 'Abba Gerontius of Petra said, Many are they who tempted by the delights of the flesh, indulged in sexual immorality in the mind without any physical contact while preserving their physical virginity, they indulge in mental sexual immorality. Beloved, it is good to what is written, let each one keep his own heart with all vigilance'" I turned the book to check the name, 'sayings of the desert fathers.' "Well, thoughtful," I said.
"No, not just that. It is apt. There was this one about people passing a market place smelling of roasting meat. Some went in to eat, that is indulged the flesh and others smelt it and went away. He was saying you should not allow the smell stay long, get up and pray for help. We can't stop temptations but we can resist them."
"I guess so," I said. My eyes were fixed on the pot on the gas cooker. I was beginning to lose interest in the discussion.
"Want to hear something juicy?" She asked. Aunt Titi came closer to me, she looked around for anyone. "You can't tell anyone, else I would have to kill you", she continued. This has to be really juicy. "I am joking, but you don't have to announce it to the world." I rolled my imaginary eyes. "After I got married, I had a crush on a colleague at work."
"No way," I said, shocked.
"Yes way," she said laughing.
"How is that even possible?" My hands rose mid air to emphasize each word. "You love Uncle Jomi so much."
"Yes. That is what I am trying to get you to see. I love Jomi but temporarily my head was attracted to somebody I barely knew. I told Jomi about it. I prayed about it, ignored the feeling and it was gone. Imagine if I let it grow, I will probably be divorced now."
"Wow, that is huge. Wow. And uncle Jomi was cool with it?" I asked wide eyed.
"Yes. Wisdom. He understands I love him and I was open about it. Secrets lead to fall. Sometimes that is what affect marriages. One partner thinks they are no longer in love because they find someone else attractive. You should be getting ready for marriage now, this is your last school paper."
"Arrgh, please don't talk about marriage."
"That is what they say. When you get there, we will not rest. Then it becomes 'My husband and I,' every where matching outfits". She posed wiggling her hand to show her ring. I laughed my head off.
"Ha, Aunt Titi."
"Is that not how newly wedded couples do," she said making an innocuous face before laughing again. "Confession, I did it too," she said and we laughed some more. "Marriage is a beautiful thing. And God knows who best suits us. If he is Lord of your life, you won't take short cuts. Wait for him, okay."
"Sometimes, I don't want to think anything but the thoughts keep coming," I sighed.
"Fill yourself with God's word. Use your imagination positively. He is able to do what we ask or think, there you go think," she raised one finger to touch her head. "My dear, think what you want to see in your relationship with God in line with the promises in the word. You can choose God. Say, what would the river of life look like. The Holy spirit in you gives you the power to, you just have to yield to Him."
"I will. Thank you Auntie Titi."
"I know, what would you do without me," she said fanning herself with her hand.
"Oh please, don't flatter yourself," I said and she laughed.
Not once, in all the time I had a crush on Stranger did Abigail speak to him in my presence. It was as though my conscience was trying to shame me for my private thoughts. He was on the way out of class when she called him. His lips broke into a wide smile when he saw the caller.
"Hey Abigail. It has been awhile." He turned to me briefly to say hi. I zoned off for the rest of their conversation. If only he knew all the things we have done together and we have barely spoken. I have held hands with him, hugged and kissed him. And there he was in my presence, a total stranger, I felt ashamed. Like a vile virgin. My love was indeed selfish and all shades of wrong. It was me...now...this way. That's not love. My fantasy has not done anything for me. It takes my time, takes my relationships, my reality. Oh. Jimi had given me a pink envelope as I hurried to the lecture room. I had forgotten all about it. I excused myself. "Hmm, what do you contain?" I turned the envelope in my hand. I tore it open to find a folded paper and two concert tickets.
'I would like to spend forever with you, but of course the right way. Would you ask our Father if I am the one to find you in His hands? Although I am convinced it can only be me, winks. While we wait for you to ask, can I take you out? Please don't say no. I got two tickets to 'La Tuise', I know you want to attend. So girl, shake off that melancholy and go grab your dancing shoes, I would be at your hostel by 5pm.' Love, Jimi.
"This is so Jimi." I smiled and a little tear escaped my left eye. I am definitely attending. First, I will make things right with God.
The end. đ¤
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