who am I really
Rhoda knocked on the door twice before putting her head through the entrance. I looked up from my phone. "Ready," she said with a wide smile on her face. Rhoda always seemed excited for reasons best known to her. Her chubby cheeks gave her the appearance of a blushing teenager smitten with love. I took a small jump off my bed, grabbed my bag and went with her. We walked quietly for a while. It was not until we got closer to our faculty that I noticed she was whispering. I was lost in a world of my own. I looked at her and away a number of times. "What are you doing?" I asked finally.
"You know, reminding myself of who I am when it looks like the opposite. Got to fake it till you make it,” She chuckled. “Though it is not exactly faking, that is what you are and you are just letting yourself know it till it sticks." She said, gesticulating with her hands. I looked from her hands to her face as she spoke.
“Makes sense." I said simply. Rhoda raised her hands and dropped them like she was going to say something but changed her mind. At the department we waved goodbyes and headed to our classes.
The lecture room was divided into three sections. I moved to the middle section and took my seat at the end of one roll. _Got to fake it till you make it_ Rhoda’s voice echoed in my head. I took out my diary and placed it in front of me. I rubbed my hand slowly on the cover, remembering how I had gotten it. I flipped the pages till I found a blank page.
Dear Diary,
Well I am positive about today. I am bold, confident and of a sound mind. I am not depressed or frustrated. I am not tired of living. I am willing to get up everyday and live this beautiful life. God loves me and I love Him too. I am stable and decisive. I am loving and friendly. I am changing from glory to glory. I have divine wisdom and understanding. I radiate good vibes. There is hope for me. I am changing, redeemed, happy and open. I do not wish to die, I forgive myself and I forgive others. I let go of everything that has weighed me down. I live life big. I enjoy every moment. I will make mistakes and move on. I live guilt free. I seize every opportunity to improve on myself. Phew, I should do this often. It feels relaxing. I am learni-
I looked up in time to see Sharon pass by me. I have seen her a number of times at the UniChoir and she sings beautifully. I have always wanted to walk up to her, say hello and compliment her voice. But something told me she would not appreciate the gesture. Each time, I’d convince myself she has enough friends already and her circle doesn't need an extra. Esther, her best friend, also sings beautifully. Seize the moment, the voice said. I closed my diary and tucked it in my bag. I exhaled air through my mouth and pressed my knuckles; I chuckled to myself at my preparations before getting up to approach the girls.
“Hi,” I said to no one in particular. Esther was the first to look my way. She turned back to her phone as if there was nothing to see. Sharon seemed engrossed in the discussion she was having with the girl to her left. “Hi,” I said a little louder this time. All three of them turned to look at me. “Hi,” I said for the third time fixing my attention on Sharon. “I am Elizabeth. I recently joined the UniChoir. I was opportune to see you sing and I have been looking forward to speaking with you in person, to, of course, compliment your beautiful voice. Your friend too,” I said turning my gaze briefly in Esther’s direction. She paid me no attention.
“Awwww, you are so sweet,” Sharon said, both her hands under her cheeks, her eyes animated. She got up and gave me a big hug. “Thank you Elizabeth. What part do you sing?”
“Soprano.” I suddenly felt shy and in need of something to do as she watched me so I twirled the end of my blouse with one finger.
“Awesome. Sing for us,” she said, pulling me to the place she sat previously. The third girl made room for me to sit beside Sharon.
“Oh no. I can’t right now.” Not part of the plan.
“Aw. Don’t be shy.” She said teasingly, poking me on my sides. “Okay, I will sing first and you will sing. Deal?”
“Okay.”
“What shall I sing, what shall I sing?” she placed one finger on her lips like it was hard to think of something. Her eyes turned from left to right rapidly. “Found the one”. She cleared her throat and I chuckled a bit.
“The enemy is trying to make me believe that my past is who I am
That the mistakes I made from yesterday is all that I would ever be
But that’s not me, that’s not who I am
God gave me a promise, on that I stand
The curse is broken
My past can’t hold me
I’m more than a conqueror
That’s what he told-
Every key sounded right. Her voice was like a sweet melody. I had closed my eyes to enjoy the rhythm, she must have noticed cause she burst out laughing and I opened my eyes disappointed the voice stopped.
“Are you kidding me?” she asked. I could not understand the cause of her amusement. “You enjoy the sound of my voice that much?”
“I love good music,” I said.
“Aw. You are sweet. Your turn”
“Oh, the overwhelming, never-ending, reckless love of God
Oh, it chases me down, fights 'til I'm found, leaves the-"
“Oh my God.” Sharon placed both her hands over her open mouth. “Where have you been all this while? Your voice is so beautiful. Mr Tade needs to hear this. We are going for rehearsals together from now on.” Esther looked in my direction briefly before turning to her phone. I simply smiled at Sharon’s words.
“it was really nice meeting you,” I said standing up.
“The pleasure is mine, my nightingale.” I laughed and took my leave.
Back at my seat, I felt really pleased with myself. I could really learn to live, if I let myself. I smiled and continued my diary entry.
Check out previous episodes 💜💜
Comments
Post a Comment