Alitheia 5

Previously: Raven engaged Olivia in a discussion about the origin of the world, whilst a tired Alitheia listened without enthusiasm.

Williams has been extremely touchy lately. Whenever I protested to his hand movements at my lower back, he would say I was too rigid and uptight. Sometimes while we walked, he tried to hold my hands. I was worried he kept trying to cross every boundary I set against him. And this was his mission. He said so himself. He did not want any boundaries between us. We were not in a relationship and I was not prepared for one. I had my ideas of how it should go, when the time was right.

Some days, he tried to get into my head. He made me question my choices and convictions, which he often called weird. Williams had been trying to get me to visit him at his apartment, but I had been avoiding it. He stayed alone and my instincts told me things could go amiss. He had told me to trust him and learn to be free with him. He told me he trusted me too. He was closer to me than all his exes and none of them knew as much as I did about his affairs. Why couldn't I trust him?

"It is fine. I understand you are very uptight." Williams had a way of making me feel bad even when I was taking the right stance. "It is totally fine, miss prim and proper," he said as he dusted the back of his trousers.

"You know it is not about that, I just feel..." I trailed off trying to explain myself.

"You feel what?" He had that sad disappointed look that made me feel guilty even when my head told me it was the right decision. "When will you let someone in? You raise this high guards around you that makes it difficult for you to trust people. Let someone love you, Alitheia." His hands shot up and he dropped them with a sigh. "Not everyone is out to get you. Stop acting so closed up. Don't be allergic to tender love and care." He turned and started to walk in the opposite direction.

"Williams," I called after him. He paused and looked back at me. "I am not..." I started to say but trailed off again. He shook his head and turned to leave. I debated whether I was right or wrong. I knew I was right, yet I felt a knot in my chest. It was weird that I always felt any emotion deeply. Anxiety. Abandonment. Disappoinment. Failure. Excitement. Everything came to me deeply. Often times it affected the rest of my day. I began to feel physically ill as the day dragged on. I hated my being for this trait.

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Raven was not in the room when I got in. I felt a rush of heat on my face. My nose tingled with a sharp pain. I left a message for Williams earlier, I noticed he read the message, but he failed to respond. I thought about calling him, but I wasn't sure. He knew me. And he was using my weaknesses against me. In a brief moment of stupidity, wanting to be seen and understood, I had rattled on all about myself. Past. Thought patterns. Weaknesses. Insecurities. I let him in a little too much. Something that I thought could cost me a lot.

"I tend to be a people pleaser." I poured out my heart one evening as we strolled back to my dormitory. He had been very encouraging with his words. "I feel things too deeply." Williams had said he was an overthinker too. I thought someone finally understood. I told him about the circumstances surrounding my birth. How I felt unwanted. He had patted my hands warmly as I spilled years of locked up information. He had said I was never to see myself that way, unwanted, he placed great value on me. I was a part of him now. His words were reassuring.

My phone beeped and I looked at the screen through teary eyes. I saw his name in the notification bar. I swiped the tears off and opened his message. He was sorry he could not reply earlier. He had been busy with some school work and he felt a little under the weather. He asked if we could meet or if I could come to his apartment, he would appreciate the latter. I blinked off the rest of the tears that lingered in my eyes. I was conflicted. To go or not to? My head said no. My heart felt yes. Better not disappoint him again. I rushed to the bathroom to wash my face. I switched my sweaty blouse for a new one, took a cursory look at the room before heading out.

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Williams stayed in a similar room like the one I shared with Raven, only that he had the room to himself. He was dressed in only a pair of shorts when he opened the door. He grinned from ear to ear. I could feel the discomfort gnawing at my insides. I tried to drown out the thought. I took out his reading chair and was planning to seat there when he gave me a disapproving look. Prim and proper. He pointed to the bed. I took slow unsure steps to his bed. He laughed at the sight.

"Get comfortable, Alitheia. I will never hurt you." I believed him.

To be continued...

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