Life N Death eps 3
Mrs Williams came over to the house. She looked way better than the last time I saw her. She seemed to have totally come to terms with Beatrice's death, she laughed easily and loudly too at the jokes. I felt very uncomfortable at this. It was barely three months and she was forgetting Beatrice already. At least, that was what I felt. I must hold on to every memory of Beatrice, she would have done the same for me. I couldn't go back to life like nothing had happened. Mrs Williams gave me Beatrice' bible, she felt she would have loved for me to have it if she had the chance to say it. I left her and mum discussing at the dinning table to go and inspect the bible in my room.
I sat on my bed, my hands clenched the bible to my chest. I have seen Beatrice read from it countless times. We would read from it together sometimes. I turned it around, inspecting it. It had a blue cover laced by glitters with a mini pocket at the back. NKJV. Would there be some secret inside? You know, like the people who have premonition of their own death. Was she aware she would be dying? I shook the book half expecting a letter or paper or something to fall off. Nothing. I sighed. I opened the cover to the first page. I found written in her peculiar writing: Beatrice Williams, given to me on my 16th birthday by my Mama and Papa. There was a twinkle in my eyes as a sad smile crept across my face. I randomly opened the pages to places that caught my eyes, mostly pages she had highlighted with different colours. Sticky notes hung on some pages. Her bible looked like a colourful work of art. On a page in Corinthians she wrote, 'We are called to be partakers of his suffering, that we might to be made conformable to his death. Bible ref. Phil and Pet. What does that mean?' Beatrice could not finish a conversation without having to say 'What does that mean?' I smiled at the memory. Another place she wrote, "'Nothing can separate us from the love of God. All things are yours.' Wow I never noticed even death was added to the list. Interesting, death is mine. What does that mean?'' Again. I giggled a little this time. All things are yours, death is mine. I repeated in my head. What does that even mean?
I lay back on the bed. That was when I heard it. The voice was so audible I thought someone was in the room with me.
"Why are you mad at God?" I jumped. I felt a chill go down my spine as I ran my eyes piercingly around the room. I settled back into my position in the bed. I felt restless. I decided to go back downstairs to join my mum and Beatrice's mum. As soon as I walked back in, their eyes rested on me.
"Good thing you are here," my mother's eyes watched me closely. "We were just discussing you."
"Your mother was just telling me you were finding it difficult to heal over Beatrice and how you think God is to blame."
I merely stared at her. I was not sure if she was expecting a reply. Either ways, I did not have any.
"Come sit beside me." I walked over to sit beside Mrs Williams on the three-seater cushion. "I know how close you were with Beatrice and I am sure it must be difficult for you to come to terms with it. But God is good at all times."
"But why Beatrice? Why did-?"
"God is good, Lina. At all times, and I'll tell you why," Mrs Williams reassured. I really did not want to hear anything of such now. If he was good, why did he allow Beatrice die a gruesome death at a tender age? But for the sake of Beatrice, I had to feign interest.
"You know, when I got the call about Beatrice, I was very distraught. I never thought I could get over her. She was the perfect child. However I soon found myself reading Thessalonians. And I realized God did not want us to grieve like those without hope."
"What does that mean?"
"If I know whom I have believed, I know that I have eternal life. This place is not our home. Whether naturally or through causes, some day we will sleep as the bible puts it, but we are different cause we know we have a hope in the world after this. We will be resurrected like Christ. Do you believe the bible?"
"I do." I do. I just don't understand why. "But why? Why did Beatrice have to die?" Mrs Williams sighed. She did not have the answer to that.
"Well, we will console ourselves that God gives and take. She never belonged to us."
"That's not true," my Dad interjected. We had not seen him come in. We all looked in the direction of the voice.
My mum got up to help him with the things he was carrying. "Honey. We did not hear you drive in."
He walked to the chair opposite me and sat in it, facing me. "I think I met you in a good place. God does not give and take. If the bible says his blessings are without repentance, that would be contradictory. You know that statement was coined from Job. And Job said that based on his own perception of God and the things that happened to him. If you take a closer look at the trials of Job, did God ever send the fire or any of the occurrences?"
I mumbled a no. "It was only recorded as something from the Lord. But Satan was the one sending it."
"You have it right. Satan is given the identity of one whose only goal is to steal, kill and destroy. There can be no unrighteousness with God."
I thought about what he said, God did not kill Beatrice. I understand he did not. But why didn't he prevent?
My Dad must have read my thought cause he responded to this. "Lina, you must understand that there are natural causes and there are demonic influences. If we try to live as though they don't exist then we are unwise. Jesus already warned us that in this world we will have tribulations, but our joy is that he has overcome.
"You notice he did not argue with Satan when he offered him the kingdoms of the world if Christ will bow to him. Man lost dominion of the earth when Adam and Eve fell to the trickery of Satan. We ought to control what happens on earth. God only works through a man whenever he intends to do something on earth."
Mum chipped in. "That's true. In all the events of the bible, we only see God intervening through a man. Or when man has asked for his help."
"What this means is that"–he pointed in mum's direction to continue from what she said–"while we are here, because of this demonic presence, we are still susceptible to attacks. But the joy we have is that, God is still in control. And soon the kingdom of the earth will become the kingdom of God and His Christ in the present. But in the midst of all this trial God still keeps. He still works all the attacks of the enemy together for our good."
My mum made a clicking sound with her fingers and her face lit up like one who has made a discovery. "George, you know I just thought about it. God actually protects us. And we can't blame God for the way we live our lives. We have been told in scripture to sharpen our discernment. There have been times I get a feeling not to do something and some days I obey and I am saved from whatever could have happened. And there are days when I brush it away and then something happens and it occurs to me that I could have avoided it, if I had listened to that nudge."
Mum was right. I had similar experiences too. There had been times without foreknowledge, I had felt a particular way about a thing and it turned out that way and mum would say it was the Holy Spirit giving me guidance. And there are times I didn't listen and I only had myself to blame.
My breath was shaky when I spoke. "In essence, Beatrice could have been warned about heading out but she didn't listen and then the accident occurs."
"Exactly. That is one aspect. Another thing is God is not the driver. He is not responsible for the acts of man. If I were to get drunk and drive, is God to blame for not getting the lady on the road out of the way if I were to end up in prison?"
"No." I said quietly. "It was the consequences of your action."
"Lina, God does not control the will of man. And he can only control those who submit their will to him. And also protect us from those who are yet to submit to him by giving us instructions."
"In the long run, if you think about it," mum added "none of the 10 commandants the Israelites were given directly benefits God, they actually protect us from each other because of what evil man is capable of doing when he is not submitted to a higher figure."
Dad changed his position to sit next to me. He put left hand around my shoulders. "If I were to instruct you not to go out but you do and your phone is stolen. Would you blame me for it?"
"No." I said quietly.
"Another scenario, let's say I hadn't instructed you, and someone out there being moved by the devil and is not yielded to Christ steals your phone, would you blame me?"
"No."
"Why's that?"
"You did not orchestrate it. And you would be happy to get me another one."
"Good. Once you committed to believing in God, you became an enemy to Satan. He will send everything he can just to distort the view you have of him and to take away that hope cause Satan is hopeless in this life and for all eternity. But we have hope and this is what he fights. He envies this."
He gave me a gentle squeeze around my shoulder. I heard Mrs Williams sobbing. I wondered why.
"And all of this attacks happens whether it is a time you are walking perfectly or not. You have a constant enemy, Satan, who keeps throwing arrows, and can work through unyielding people. But our hope is this, in this life we have overcome. We fight from a place of victory."
Beatrice' jotting flashed through my mind. "What does the bible mean when it added death to the things that belongs to us?"
Dad smiled, "That is because all things are yours, even death. Christ has given us control over this. You would see Paul say to die is gain. Christ took away the fear of death. Rather, it ought to be a thing of joy. A passage of home. One that we decide when we want to go. This is God's plan for us. But the enemy is also constantly preying around."
"Beatrice is in a better place," I sighed.
"Yes, she is in a better place. And you will see her someday. This is the hope of our faith. Else we have believed in vain. So, you can't stop living your life because of her passing. God is a good father. Our hurt is his hurt. Your walls are always before him and he is constantly working even the worst situation for our good." This time he pulled me in for a hug.
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