Deroda's Diary

(Sequel to a review we got, we will attach a summary of the previous episode to a new one for ease of reading). Last episode recap : Alitheia had her first lecture. She made an acquaintance in class, Olivia. We closed in on her discussion with Williams at the park.  Williams and I kept in touch. We hung out frequently and stayed up late talking on the phone. He felt he had a best friend in me already, it was barely two months. Although everything about our interaction seemed to move at a fast pace, I tried to keep up with him. He would gush out about how wonderful I was. He told me deep secrets, which, according to him, he had never shared with anyone. He was quick to tell me he loved me, even though he mentioned it was as a friend, it still made me uncomfortable and short of words to reply. I adjusted to my school schedule quickly. I was either in lectures, reading at the library or my dorm, hanging out with Sophia, Williams or Olivia. During club fair, I joined the community serv...

When I woke up, I was a bit startled before I recollected I was back in my dormitory. Sophia kept me out late yesterday. She had given me a tour of the campus. My phone showed it was exactly 6am. I sat up in bed and mentally planned my day. Raven was fast asleep on the bed across me. She looked so innocent with a book cradled between her hands. I stifled a yawn as I walked to my wardrobe, I changed into my towel and went into the bathroom.  My parents had spent extra money to get me a place where the toilet and bathroom facilities were inside the room. The bathroom was separate from the toilet. It was a medium space divided into three sections. The bathroom was on one end of the section, covered by a transparent glass just enough to tell when someone was inside. They left a part of the glass open for entrance. The toilet was on the other end with the glass covering as well. There was a sink in the middle section. It had a mirror just above it. A small two-door-opener cupboard was a...

I had been sleeping for over an hour when I heard the sound of keys jingling at my door. I heard a low groan just as the door opened. I turned in my bed to see a girl about my age. She was pulling her second box into the room. I pulled the covers up to my face, so she won't notice me staring. She pulled in the last box with a small groan, then she stood at the door, examining the room. She had an emo vibe, with her edgy all-black attire, heavy boots, ripped skinny jeans, plain black tee, scorpion pendant type necklace, and multiple rings on her fingers. Her black beanie covered her hair. Once she seemed satisfied with the room, she slumped onto her bed across me. There was a beep from her phone and she took it out of her pocket. I debated whether to say hello. Just as I was contemplating, she sat up and looked directly at me.  "Are you always shy or it is a first time thing?" Her voice startled me. I lowered the covers to reveal my face and realized she was addressing me....

  "Alítheia, stay in the middle. Michalis, move closer to your mom." He grudgingly moved to where Sophia was pointing. Mom put one arm around him and the other around me. Dad stood next to me wearing my cap. He leaned into me to stay within the frame shot Sophia was directing.  "How long before the actual picture is taken?" Michalis groaned. He was not one to take pictures. Sophia ignored his comment.  "Everybody say cheese." "Cheese!" We repeated. Sophia took a couple of shots. She looked into the camera to check the result while we still maintained our pose waiting for the next instruction.  "Hold on," Sophia came to adjust my academic gown. She took a step backwards. "Perfect." More shots followed. We did a goofy pose and we were done.  It was easy getting Sophia to come take my pictures on my matriculation day, though she would have claimed to have a busy schedule if it had been any other member of the family. Although she...

  Life was back to normal. Occasionally I had thoughts about Beatrice, but it was not from the place of sorrow. I knew better, even though it was hard healing. I wasn't mad at God but I found it difficult getting back to him after a long period of not talking to him. I could never avoid Sunday Church cause my parents will not have it. I would sit with them and distract myself through the sermon. This Sunday after our long discussion about Beatrice, I decided to pay attention.  "What was said to you at the point of believing?" The voice of the preacher echoed through the auditorium. "A God that gives all that you want?" I felt the air in my chest tighten.  "We would be lying if we said that." He chuckled a little. "Christ the author and finisher of our faith said in this world we will have troubles, but this we know," His fingers tapped on the pulpit, "that we have overcome like he did." He wiped his forehead with an handkerchief.  ...

Mrs Williams came over to the house. She looked way better than the last time I saw her. She seemed to have totally come to terms with Beatrice's death, she laughed easily and loudly too at the jokes. I felt very uncomfortable at this. It was barely three months and she was forgetting Beatrice already. At least, that was what I felt. I must hold on to every memory of Beatrice, she would have done the same for me. I couldn't go back to life like nothing had happened. Mrs Williams gave me Beatrice' bible, she felt she would have loved for me to have it if she had the chance to say it. I left her and mum discussing at the dinning table to go and inspect the bible in my room.  I sat on my bed, my hands clenched the bible to my chest. I have seen Beatrice read from it countless times. We would read from it together sometimes. I turned it around, inspecting it. It had a blue cover laced by glitters with a mini pocket at the back. NKJV. Would there be some secret inside? You know,...

The weekend was over and I had to be back in school. I had skipped classes for the past week and the previous week to pull myself together, but as I stood facing the school building, I knew I was not ready to face my new reality. School without Beatrice.  "Lina," I turned around to look at my mother still parked where I got off the car, "it is going to be alright, God is helping you." She said with a mild reassuring smile.  "God?" I spat. "Since when did he care?" I turned from her abruptly and walked towards class. I could imagine the shock my words must have left, but I couldn't care less.                      ****************** I took what felt like the longest walk of my life to class, ignoring stares and nodding to hellos. In class, I wish Mrs Waston had pretended I was not there but she decided to make a fuss about my resumption. Talking about how it was nice to have me back, if I felt better, and how she lost her gr...

Before this time another year, I may be gone, In some lonesome graveyard, Oh, Lord, how long? The ground around my feet was wet. Partially conscious, occasionally I slightly lift one up to see the dry ground under it. As though the clouds were aware of the grieving party that stood some distance below it, it had showered its bliss briefly. I wondered if it thought it could wash our misery away with some drizzle. The shower had set the mood for more weeping instead.  "Dust to dust, may the soul of the departed rest in the bosom of our saviour where we shall meet again in heaven," the soothing voice of the preacher echoed in the almost empty yard. I heard Beatrice's mum let out some loud sob at his words. I am yet to shed a tear since this nightmare began. I still feel like I am in a dream I would wake up from. Her body was there in the coffin lifeless, no doubt, but it was still unreal to me.           I took a look at the house I have come to know as m...

"It has been a year and five months. I missed you. It was hard staying away all this while, but how could I possibly write to you when I felt unworthy? I hope that you have been faring well all this while." I had written that in my Google keep in April, preparing to return to writing to you consistently again. But life had other plans for me, or maybe I was lazy and unmotivated. I cannot tell. But writing and returning has been a major challenge, one I am glad to have finally faced. A lot has happened during my time away. I wonder if I can get it all out in a few posts.  Remember how I talked about how I burnt my fingers the last time I wrote to you in December of 2021? Well, just as I was healing, I burnt it again at the beginning of 2022. I would say these burns were a little worse off. I had a hard time healing but the process happened gradually, I did not even realize it until much later. 2023 has been a bliss. I had found God again. Or rather He found me. His voice got ...

A note, more to myself than to you. After wild fires, the plants will sprout again.  I am not sure of what I thought I would be writing when I titled this. I have started and I am clueless as to where this is headed. But I know I want to tell you a lot, I am just not sure how and where to begin. If I can't convey everything now, we would talk about it some other day. I have missed you. The thought of you was constantly on my mind, but I could hardly get out of my head. 2021 was a lot for me, and I imagine it was the same for you. I had the good, bad and ugly moments. I met new versions of myself. I met new people and my introverted self had to be temporarily extroverted. I did burn my fingers till I was left with just skeletons. Even now, they still hurt. I am still healing and it might take a while. Do not take the "burn" literally.  I fell a number of times into prayerlessness, I simply lost count. I was faced with a lot of things I thought I knew how it worked, someti...